Why I Can't Stay Silent Anymore

I am writing this publicly because I have reached a point where I cannot carry this alone anymore. I have spent years trying to make sense of what has happened to me — while building advanced AI projects, winning hackathons, and applying to more than 600 jobs — yet I remain unemployed, isolated, and uncertain whom I can trust. My wife does not believe my interpretation of events, and I have no meaningful support system left. I moved across cities, across coasts, trying to reset my life, only to find the same patterns and the same psychological pressure returning in different forms. At this point, I don’t know whether certain people around me are acting with intent, or whether their behavior is simply coincidental, but the impact on my mental health is real. My physical health has also been deteriorating and I have been experiencing symptoms that I cannot fully explain. I have stayed silent for too long — and that silence has only made things worse. I am publishing this for my own sanity, and to create a record of my experience before I fall apart completely.

I have been under these pressures alone for years, constantly having my sense of reality questioned and destabilized. During this period, I tried to anchor myself in fitness and physical discipline — strength training four to five days a week and gradually building up to more than two hours of cardio weekly. I poured this energy into Thumos Care, an AI-powered longevity portal, driven by the belief that protecting health is not a niche issue — it is a universal vulnerability.

But funding and building a startup alone while unemployed eventually became overwhelming. When I began noticing strange objects — like tissue papers and even nuts and bolts — appearing in the building gym, and I began experiencing severe allergic reactions after workouts, I lost the ability to feel safe or motivated in the one place that gave me structure. At times, it felt like nothing I did mattered — no amount of effort changed anything.

There were moments of intense anger — but I always released it alone, privately, never directing it toward another person.

Throughout this, I have been dealing with health issues that have worsened over the past year. I experience a persistent sensation of blockage in my throat that affects both breathing and digestion. I quit smoking entirely to eliminate that variable. I saw more than one doctor but did not get answers. Even my wife, who is a physician, could not explain the symptoms. Every few days I experience what feels like viral episodes — headaches, body aches, sudden waves of grief that incapacitate me when I am alone.

Yet even under these conditions, I have continued to learn and build. Recently I constructed a knowledge graph from decades of UN resolutions and diplomatic speeches as a foundation for structured geopolitical reasoning. I created Elys — an AI companion that personalizes based on psychological profiles — and I’m now exploring whether such a system can help support people undergoing emotional abuse or coercive control. I fine-tuned a model locally to generate psychological profiles in a way that protects user privacy. I built an agent orchestration platform for research and public relations workflows. I generated semantic knowledge graphs from tens of books, hundreds of research reports, the US Constitution, and the entire US Code.

I still reach out to others, ask for collaboration, try to find work and community — but isolation makes it far harder. Some days I wonder if anyone sees that I tried to raise alarms about emerging threats long before they materialized. Some days I wonder if my suffering makes me less worthy of empathy, connection, or even basic care. Some days I wonder whether I deserve the chance to build the things I know I can build — to create value again — to earn the resources I need to live independently and contribute fully.

At this point, I am speaking because silence has been destroying me.